An island off the south-African coast that is one of the last remaining colonies of the old victorian ‘Blighty Empire’.
For thousands of years no bugger lived on it and so the many squadrons of wirebirds were left free to soar high and mightily above its coastline and terrain.
But unfortunately things then went from bad to worse. The Portuguese stumbled over it, The British fought to use it and Napoleon was (arguably) poisoned by it. And that was that! There went the whole flipping neighbourhood!’
Jump forward another five hundred years and Britain has stamped all of its ‘what-what’ Blightiness all over the flaming place. This is shown in St Helena’s love of football, test match cricket and the Marquis of Queensbury rules.
Meanwhile, the island’s scone, jam and double-cream teas (taken on the lawn whilst dressed in full safari-suit regalia) is now legendary down there in the southern hemisphere.
Like the Falklands, the whiff of union jack colonialism is still quite strong on the island. Which is probably why David Cameron has decided to continue with Gordon Brown’s ludicrous plan to use British taxpayers’ money to stick a bloody great £200 million airport on it.
That’s just what a small south-Atlantic island needs! Dozens of bloody-great Boeing 737′s dropping their landing gear and black boxes all over the place!
What with that, and the extra millions it’s going to cost to fund the extra security for ‘London 2012′, you had better all keep them pension funds topped up or Blighty will be well and truly screwed. Like at least sixteen of the piss-poorest nations that form the a large part of the doomed Eurozone.
Interestingly, the plans for the St Helena Airport is fully supported by some toffee-nosed geezer who heads up ‘The Society For The Protection of Rural Britain’ and who is keen to protect Britain from yet more runways.
Obviously Lord Downton Abbey’s protection of rural wildlife doesn’t extend as far as St Helena or its almost extinct ‘wirebird’ whose flightpath and breeding habits will undoubtably be ‘in the line of fire’ come the new ‘Waterloo Loser’s Airport’.
Especially when the last remaining firebird on Earth gets unavoidably fried in the jet engine of a damn-great Boeing as it flies out of a new million-pound airport. Still, that’s progress I suppose.
But this, my friend, is why more of your taxes and more of your pension fund must be looted by the british government! It’s not just about paying off the debt the last Labour government and thieving city bankers left us with. It’s about building a multi-million pound airport miles from bloody anywhere! So deal with it… and move on!