The greatest show of athletic agility, strength, stamina and pure naked girth will be on display this summer as the whole world and his ‘partner’ arrive in the deep-fried food capital of the world for ‘London 2012′.
Apparently, we can’t use the Olympic rings logo on any publicity or Seb Coe and his mates will wear our guts as a boiler suit. ‘Sponsorship’ – that’s how we roll here!
By the way, ‘old Seb’ has asked me to tell you that there are still a few tickets left for the London Cycling. Just pick up a free leaflet at one of Boris’ push-bike charging points.
Anyway… as I was saying… all of this british agility, dexterity and athletic strength will be needed in London during the summer of 2012 as thousands of overweight flag-waving spectators stand waiting and sweating in queues for their McDonalds, KFC, Pizza-Hut, ‘chips-r-us”, ‘Type2Diabetes-u-like’ and deep fried Mars bars dot com.
By then the crowd will either be cheering their national team over the finishing line or they will be taunting you with that age-old football chant,’Your going home in a Bariatric amber-lence!’
Still… Andrew Lansley’s will have sorted us all out by then. By July 2012 all of us fatties will have been kidnapped, drugged and forced to wear compulsory gastric bands like the Ken Clarke curfew tags worn by ex-offenders out on parole.
Consume just one fried chip and an alarm will sound which will instantly bring Lansley to your house to stick two of his fingers down your throat.
Mind you, If he tries to stick anything more than fingers down my throat it will be him in need of a triple heart bypass operation.