That’ll be Gove and his mates then!
The stream of paperwork being spewed forth from the next leader of the Conservative Party is as unrelenting as a ‘Curry Nite’ on your local sewage system.
It’s as though he wants to be ‘Justified Through Endless Policies’.
Now he tells us that he wants ‘O Levels’ and ‘CSE’s’ to make a comeback. Only the questions will be much harder than they ever were for us.
Next week: Gove announces the return of chalkboards, ‘the Cane’ and that kid with a green roll-neck jumper pulled up to his nose in ‘The Bash Street Kids’.
Then there’s Gove’s promise that by 2015 all fifteen year olds will boast the calculations skills of Alan Turing or they and their teacher will be ‘out on their ear’.
So… if you are having a baby within the next few weeks at least you know what pressures await your little one during their all too short ‘childhood’.
You remember ‘childhood’?
Riding bikes? Building camps? Sitting taping the Top 40 Show in your bedroom? Going to the school disco dressed as Noddy Holder?
Never mind buying them toys to play with! Force them into consuming the Conservative Manifesto and buy them a calculator for ‘Maths’.
And do so long before you bother getting them onto ‘solids’ or a ‘potty’.
Don’t hang about Mum! Your new baby has ‘Gove Grades’ to achieve – and hoops to jump through – from the moment it pops its head out from between your legs.
We have a British Empire to build!
THIS is ‘Blighty’!