Boris Johnson’s latest toy. A trip in an oversized Persil washing liquid dispenser on a rope to God knows where.
This latest money-making, airline sponsored attraction allows Japanese tourists with cameras and idiots in clothing with writing on it to cross a tidal stream of raw sewage on a rope.
I’m sure you have seen the cable car scenes in the war film ‘Where Eagles Dare’?
Well, this is a cheap Lidl version! A sort of ‘Where Dickheads Dare’.
Boris’ cable cars can be found in the old ‘Pool of London’. Right at the point where yuppie flats (that was once a rat-infested hell-hole) look across the ‘water’ to the ‘O2 Arena’ (‘The Blair Tit Project’) in the leafy, BMW-infested, Tory Borough of ‘Greenwich-on-Coe’.
Just why the hell anyone would want to pay a small fortune to travel in a flimsy plastic bubble held aloft by one B and Q hook when there is a perfectly adequate railway system covering the same distance beats the hell out of me.
But I guess it gives Boris another reason to encourage yet more tourists into his little world of shyster bankers, congestion charges and two-faced politicians.
With the ‘London Eye’, ‘Boris Battery Bikes’, ‘The Orbit Tower’, ‘Metroland’ (aka ‘The Ghost Train’) and now this flipping thing, London has become nothing more than one big blonde-haired, greatly overpriced, foppish theme park.
Welcome to ‘Borisworld’. The home of the gullible tourist and a poor underclass system that nobody sees unless they are a member of it. Come back, Ralph McTell, all is forgiven.
Do be sure to catch the ‘Borisworld’ street parade that takes place at 5pm every evening, won’t you. This year’s theme: ‘Pinocchio and other MP liars’. Oh, how your children will laugh as they are elbowed out of the way by selfish geezers in lounge suits rushing to their awaiting train.
And why not purchase an overpriced branded souvenir before you leave? Our highly-trained shysters will be pleased to fleece you of your money or relieve you of your mobile phone.
When you wish upon a star…
£10 taxi rides won’t go far,
When you find your wallet’s gone… you’re bound to swear.
A pint of bitter will cost four quid,
Every pub landlord’s name is ‘Sid’,
Spend a day in ‘Borisworld’…
And go home skint!
Visit their ‘Underground’, when there…
Inhale deeply their infected air.
Take a trip to the new ‘Games Lanes’… And watch the queues…
Theatre tickets cost ‘an arm and a leg’…
If its poor want food… many have to beg.
But if you’re in The Bullingdon Club….
The dreamers drool……
Copyright. David Waters 2012.